Follow rrlmusic on Twitter

December 5, 2009


Thank God for broken hearts. I have lost at love many many times and whether the termination was of my own ruling or otherwise, the pain has always been the same unbearable, overwhelming tug that makes you feel like you've been swallowed into gravity's mouth. The sadness collects in your throat and feels like a dispenser full of gum balls. You feel like the weight of the world has rebelliously been thrown off of Atlas's shoulders and has landed squarely on your own. Your stomach feels empty despite it being full. For the first while all you can do is cry as you watch your relationship play out like a home movie in the screen of your mind. Your friends will advise the same every time; they will all chant the same typical slogans, 'you deserve better, 'plenty of fish in the sea, 'he was no good'. Meanwhile, though you know they all mean well, you just wish they would go away and let you be the mess that you are. So why in God's name am I so grateful to suffer such a horrible condition as a broken heart?

Logically you would assume that the more experience you have in heart break the softer the blow will feel each time. You expect a broken heart to be like a virus that you eventually grow intolerant to, but FORTUNATELY, this is never the case. Every broken heart hurts just as much as the last and no matter how many times you promise yourself 'never again,' when Mr. Cupid shoots his bloody arrow there isn't a damned thing you can do but fall helplessly back into the 'love pit'. If you're lucky.
A broken heart and all of the accompanying symptoms are welcoming signs that you are still in the game. The act of 'feeling' indicates the your heart hasn't been crippled to the point of no return. A numb heart is far worse then a broken one; even shattered glass can be carefully, over time, reassembled, however, there is no recovering from paralysis. The moment the cold breezes in and permeates your scorched heart your problems extend to a lot more then just losing at love.

It is around this time of year that I am reminded of the story of Mr. Grinch. A pitiful excuse of a creature with no more love in his heart then poor Mr. Ebeneser Scrooge. As the story goes, Grinch was once a lovable 'Hoo' whose heart, after having it numbed by the cruelty of the intolerant 'world', eventually shriveled into nothing more then a crumb. Fortunately Grinch's heart was reawakened by the 'spirit of Christmas' and he now lives happily ever after in the fictional pages of a child's book. However, in the real world, it takes a little more then a circle of children singing Christmas carols to arouse the spark in a heart of stone. Lucky for Grinch, his heart came back from the dead, but not all of us are so fortunate. So the next time someone breaks your heart, though I know, firsthand, how dreadful it can feel, be thankful for the dispenser of gum balls in your throat; hold on to Atlas's world for a little while and thank God for a broken heart cause I swear 'it's far better to loved and have lost then to never have loved at all'. Hurt for a little while; resent, begrudge, HATE even, but never stop feeling. Never stop loving. Love is the only thing worth hurting for in this pain ridden, lonely world. I love you Dad and Pat, Deb and Dan, Baby Kieran, Julian, Pat and Karli, Mikey, Rosemary and Keith, Peaches, Dave, Andy, my dear Kevin and last but certainly not least, all the RRL fans that have been my guiding light throughout the years. Merry Christmas to you all! xo