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March 21, 2010

HOARDERS

'People so fear the debt of death that they refuse the loan of life'

For the first time in my life, here and now, I am going to strip away the cloak of impressive vocabulary and empty metaphors and attempt (perhaps for the first time in my 29 years) to be truly and openly honest.

From the superb, infant light that began as my life to this very moment, I HAVE NOT LIVED. I have not had the courage. I have been so afraid of the risk that is necessary to GENUINELY LIVE that I have taken little to no chances in my life. I have waited. I wait. I never truly enter into my life but rather I preserve it, I covet it! I keep it locked away trying to craft its perfection, waiting for the moment when it is ready to draw breath and be extraordinary! Why? Because by doing so I delude myself into believing that I can control my own mortality. That the countdown to my death will only begin when I have decided to live. However by refusing to accept life as finite and death as inevitable where will I ever find the moxie to take the gamble to live authentically? It is death and death alone that makes life so precious.

In short, the reason that I have failed to succeed as an artist has little to absolutely NOTHING to do with the industry and EVERYTHING to do with my unwillingness to take risks. EVERYTHING to do my petty fears and my trivial concerns. EVERYTHING to do with my cowardice. I have wasted YEARS hoarding my music from the public, waiting for it to be absolutely perfect before exposing it to anyone. Embarrassingly, Running Red Lights has a catalog of well over 20 songs that have never touched the ears of anyone other then it's 4 members! All because of my trifling fear of rejection. All because of my reluctance to be criticized. All because of my unwillingness to take the chance that people might see me for what and who I really am; ordinary, imperfect and human. The realization of such waste makes me feel closer to death.

Having said all the above, it is with great apprehension that RRL has decided to release some unheard material. Strictly DEMOS ('demo' being the word we artists use to excuse imperfection). It is time I give these creations life; I can hoard them no longer! Please visit our myspace if you are interested in hearing our recent releases. There will be many more in the days that follow. I will also keep you posted on what to expect in the year ahead for Running Red Lights. It will be a year of big transformations, personal growth and great music!

'It's best to use all of life. Leave death nothing but the dregs, nothing but a burnt out castle'.

I have a lot of unlived life inside of me and it is my hope that I will find courage to let it out, to find fulfillment, to weed out the unimportant and focus on filling the space between now and death with true happiness and great risk. I hope you will all join me in living! Love Scarlett

****Yalom, I., 'Momma and the Meaning of Life'. 2000

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